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how to dye your hair

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how to dye your hair

how to dye your hair

 

1. Get your supplies.

Drive 45 minutes around random back roads of Massachusetts looking for a Sally’s Beauty Supply. If your hair is naturally pretty dark, you’re going to need to bleach your hair, so buy some bleach. Actually, buy a shit ton of bleach. They always assume you have like, half as much hair as you actually have.

Alternatively, there are some fun colored dyes that have bleach in them. I used one of those once, and it worked pretty well, so look into that if you like efficiency.

Decide what colors you want to be wearing on your head. Buy a shit ton of that dye too, for all the same reasons above. You’ll notice the guy on the box is usually rocking some kind of short and spiky look. The kits contain about enough dye to give him highlights. You’re trying to dye your whole goddamn head.

2. Prepare your hair.

As mentioned, you might have to bleach it. You might not, so if you don’t, ignore this step. You were born ready. If you have to bleach it, you are in for the ride of your life. Mix up some bleach, smack on some gloves, and start soaking your hair in very scary dangerous chemicals. Hit that shit with a blow dryer for 20 minutes or so, and shower it out. Your hair isn’t going to turn white. It probably won’t even be blonde. You’re more likely than not to turn out looking like a ginger for a day or so.

A day or so? Oh yeah. Because bleach is a dangerous and scary chemical, you have to give your hair about a day to recuperate before you hit it with even more chemicals. You’re going to startle a lot of people.

3. Have an identity crisis.

Why are you even doing this? Who do you think you are? An emo kid from 2004? A clown? What will your employers think? What will your parents say? Never mind, screw your parents.

Panic for a moment about the fact that in about an hour, your hair is going to be bright blue. Have a glass of wine and have some friends promise to tell you if it looks totally ridiculous.

4. Apply the dye.

Throw on an old t-shirt that you really don’t care about. Go into your bathroom. Get that dye all over your hair. You don’t want to miss a bunch of spots, especially if you had to bleach your hair, so this is another good reason to buy more dye than you think you need. You’re going to turn your ears green, and your sink will never be the same color ever again, but it’s worth it, because now you’re a crazy badass.

Leave the dye in for much longer than the box tells you to*. The instructions are going to say to rinse it out after 20 minutes or something, but that’s for pansies. Put on a shower cap and leave that dye in for at least an hour. Nothing bad will happen.

*If you’re using that dye/bleach combo I mentioned above, bad things will happen! Don’t leave the dye in longer than they tell you to! I repeat: you do not want to leave bleach in your hair longer than advised.

5. Rinse and repeat.

After you’re sure that the color has set, you can go take a shower and rinse that shit out. Style as usual. Startle at your own reflection. You are a success story.

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